Don't mess with Texas

Really don't - people carry guns and they have the death penalty here. Also, at least half the population of Dallas is obese so they could squash a normal-sized human being quite easily. But more on that later.

We arrived in the States on Friday evening having left  Thailand on... Friday evening. We crossed the international date line and I literally could not cope. What time was it? What day was it? What time was it in England? What time would it be if we were still in Thailand? Joe thought it was hilarious but I got my revenge when we realised he doesn't know how to cross the road in America.

We spent four nights in LA. We were staying in Hollywood in a hostel/hotel type affair. We had planned to stay in a dorm room to save money but after one night I had to move into a private room. Well, private with Joe - I couldn't really leave him in the dorm. I'm afraid I have learned that I cannot sleep if there are strangers in the room. What if they stabbed me? Or stole my massive white trousers?

Once we had a room of our own, Hollywood was great. We saw the new Harry Potter film at Grauman's Chinese Theater where the popcorn is refillable and you add your own butter and salt. Salt? Yes please. Melted butter? No, I've really got to draw the line somewhere. We saw the Walk of Fame and the big Hollywood sign and had a drink with a Mr T lookalike dwarf.

Unfortunately our visit coincided with "carmaggedon" - the main freeway was closed and everyone was going bonkers about it. It limited our ability to travel round the city but we were happy just to be back in the bosom of civilisation where you can drink wine and eat beef.

We flew to Dallas yesterday from LAX. I had my hands swabbed going through security which seemed quite bizarre and unnecessary but they take security rather seriously. When we arrived in LA from Bangkok we were interviewed by US border people. My conversation went as follows:

Security man: You smell like tea. Are you carrying tea?

Me: Erm, no

SM: Oh. You have an unusual smell.

Me: Erm, OK.

I should have said yep, you would smell unusual too if your Sri Lankan herbal mosquito repellant had leaked in your handbag, you'd spilt a can of beer down your leg and you'd been on a plane for sixteen hours. But I didn't think that was a particularly good idea.

We went to the 6th Floor Museum today in the Book Depository where JFK was shot. Joe is trying to go to the assassination sites of all major 20th century figures. We saw the Gandhi site in Delhi and apparently we have to go to see where Martin Luther King was killed in Memphis and then to the spot where John Lennon was shot in New York. Personally I don't think this is a particularly jolly way to spend our time but the JFK thing was very good.

We have one more full day in Dallas (I am campaigning to spend it in the aquarium) and then we are driving (eek), well, Joe is driving (eeeeek) to Memphis on Friday. When/if we get there (we'll be fine, don't panic), we are staying in the Graceland RV Park. Yep. You heard me. We're hoping there'll be an Elvis convention on. Keep your fingers crossed!