Possible mongoose sighting

You heard me. Neither of us is 100% sure what a mongoose looks like but we have photographic evidence which I will share if we can ever find a USB lead for the camera. Same goes for a possible chipmunk. It could just be a squirrel with stripes. You'll have to wait and see.

In other words, hello from Delhi.

We are staying in the Hotel Eurostar; a truly glamorous place boasting sheets that other people haven't slept in, room service, and only around a dozen ants per room. Bliss. We are only a few miles from the airport which is handy for our 5am flight to Amritsar. I just can't wait for the 2.45 wake up call.

The hotel offers a special deal on a taxi (with driver, obvs), for a half or a full day's sightseeing. After a bit of gentle persuasion (harrassment) from the concierge we decided to do it. Turned out to be the best money we ever spent because it is about four hundred degrees outside and if we hadn't had AC I would, quite simply, have died.

We saw some amazing sights - the red fort (home to the mongoose and a museum featuring papier mache British soldiers slaughtering Indians), the Gandhi memorial and museum (featuring Gandhi's actual bed and glasses - quite moving), the India gate, the parliament building, and a launderette called Sweet & Crusty. Like Mumbai we found the city experience quite overwhelming but have decided we are definitely Team Delhi. It could be the fact that we had a chaffeur but I think it's more a traveller vibe kind of a thing...

Tomorrow we head to the Punjab to eat tandoori'd goods and hang out with Joe's favourite people, the Sikhs. I'm not joking, he loves Sikhs. Every time we see a man in a turban he gets really excited. I hope Amritsar is ready for this.

Enjoy the bank holiday!

They have Pizza Hut in India

Not that we have been there, you understand. We are far too intrepid for that...

I am writing this from an internet cafe in Ernakulam. Each computer is in a separate cubicle which is rather peculiar and is putting me off my flow a bit. Also I only have fifteen minutes before we get chucked out so here goes.

We left the beach this morning and successfully managed to get on a train. I don't think we have ever felt a greater sense of achievement. Degree schmee, boarding that train in (almost) the correct compartment was our biggest accomplishment to date. Joe made a friend on the train. He was called Thomas and carried a shoehorn in his shirt pocket because you never know when that might come in handy.

We are staying in a total fleapit tonight and getting royally ripped off for the privilege but at least there is a TV and clean(ish) sheets. Tomorrow morning we are flying to Delhi which is totally terrifying considering we haven't even mastered the art of crossing the road. People who have been to both cities keep telling us that Mumbai is a breeze compared to Delhi. Not wholly reassuring. Our plan is to go to the Red Fort and eat at the restaurant made famous by Gordon Ramsay. Slightly more likely itinerary will be hiding in the hotel and sending one of the waiters to buy us cigarettes.

The other big news is that in my infinite wisdom I persuaded Joe it was a good idea to leave our towels behind at our last guesthouse. The upshot is we will now be drying ourselves on what look like PLO scarves. Apparently that is what passes for absorbency in Kerala.

I need to go now before the internet woman murders me but will write at length in the next few days.

X

Hello from the most dangerous beach in the world

We moved to Varkalla beach on Friday. I'm not even going to go into the journey except to mention that I was caught in a stampede of passengers and would have had to stay on the bus for the rest of my life had it not been for the kind Indian man who threw my rucksack out of the window.

Anyway, it is really beautiful here. The Lonely Planet says the current is one of the most dangerous in the world but I thought pah, I'm from Cornwall, it can't be that bad. It was. Despite the fact that all I do in Cornwall is sit in bars I seem to have mentally rebranded myself as an outdoorsy sportsperson. Anyway, I didn't get swept away but I did end up accidentally underwater. They have two lifeguards but neither of them have any equipment which isn't hugely reassuring. They have whistles though, which they like to use liberally.  

Because it is now the end of the tourist season in Southern India, everywhere is quite quiet. There are lots of restaurants so desperate for business that they have twenty page menus selling Indian, Thai, Chinese, Japanese, Italian, Mexican, etc etc, plus a "continental" section full of hilarious things that no actual people eat like chicken schnitzel and steak diane. We have met some nice people here, one of whom told us about a restaurant menu he saw in Goa which said "disposable vomit bags available on request." Excellent. 

On Saturday we are flying to Delhi which is apparently FORTY degrees at the moment so that should be a real treat for the senses. In the meantime my main occupation is haggling with the book swap man. By hook or by crook I am going to get my hands on his copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. He should sleep with one eye open. 

OK, Kochi is not the capital of Kerala

I thought I had a good chance of being correct so I didn't bother to check. The actual capital is called Trivsahfhjsalafhankamnmddhdasvjytufmahgaritos or something like that. So excuse me for using a bit of artistic license.

I am writing this on a computer so old that the keys are probably made of ivory. The caps lock keeps getting stuck so I might start shouting halfway through. Sorry about that.

Thank you to everyone for your comments on the blog. In response to a few of them, yes I am wearing suncream every day now and I have persuaded Joe that we should fly to Delhi. Ha.

We are still in Fort Cochin because the Indians are on strike today.  We are checking out tomorrow and either heading to Varkalla, which is a beach resort area, or to a sustainable bungalow thing where they teach you to cook traditional Keralan food. Then off to Delhi and into the North - the general idea is Amritsar (Golden Temple), Dharamsala (tea with the Dalai Lama), nature reserve (can't spell the name) then back to Mumbai aka hell on earth to fly to Sri Lanka.

We are looking at cutting two weeks from the trip - one week from Bali and one week from the States - because we are already fretting about money. I will let you know what we decide. I'm sure not many of you care but we need someone to pick us up from the airport.

I expect you want an update on Bob and Yvonne. Well. We avoided them for the afternoon, booked our boat trip (amazing; total silence except for the boat steerer man's phone constantly ringing (his ringtone was fur elise)), then bumped into them in the evening. They'd been doing some painting with a guy who has an art studio here. Apparently it was such a beautiful experience, man. We went for a few beers with them and it was quite nice actually but now they have gone to Goa to find some acid. So fucking cool.

Time to go and do boring admin stuff in the boiling heat.

xx

The worst part about travelling is the travelling

Or at least it is when you have to do everything with 20kg on your back. I am seriously considering throwing all of my possessions in the bin and travelling around in a sheet like Gandhi.

Yesterday, we checked out of our posh hotel in the Mumbai suburbs so we could head to Kerala.

After several failed attempts to get a train from Mumbai (who knew that such a simple thing could be so bloody complicated), we ended up flying to Kochi, the Keralan capital. We are now in Fort Cochin, which I think is an island although I'm not 100% sure, staying in a room Without Air Conditioning. I didn't think it was possible to be so hot. The monsoon has started though so it's not all sunshine. It hit when we in the taxi from the airport yesterday. Joe jumped every time the thunder struck going "ohmygod, what's that??" I think nature red in tooth and claw is a bit much sometimes for poor London Philip.

Tomorrow we are planning to do a daytrip on a Keralan houseboat. However, Bob and Yvonne (real names codeword protected), some people in the same guesthouse, have decided we are NBFs and want us to do an elephant thing with them. Joe and I are doing the mature thing and hiding from them in an internet cafe.

Unlike the people in Mumbai, the Keralans seem to like Western tourists. We had a great chat with one man last night -

"where are you from?"
"london"
"ah, which part?"
"west london"
"west london, ah OK. Near Birmingham?"
"ummm, yes."

I am off to study my Lonely Planet now, or possibly get some travelling trousers. You know the ones where the crotch is by the ankle? Super cool.

I will write again soon xx

Lesson 1 - Wear Suncream

Even when it is cloudy. I am now extremely burnt but trying to hide it from the Indian hotel staff who call me Sir and stare at me when I drink beer.

There are no roundabouts in Mumbai; people just freestyle their way around the roads. Size is king so I think the trick is to get in the biggest possible taxi.

We are leaving tomorrow to go to Kerala. Apparently the train leaves at 11.40pm and takes 26 hours so it's nice and convenient. We may stop somewhere along the way to break it up a bit.

The flight was great and I managed to watch four films so now when I feel homesick I think it's OK because I'm only four films from Heathrow.

Best go now, we are using the concierge's laptop because the "business centre" is being refurbished.

x

Testing, testing, 1, 2, 3

Travel  blogs are us... although we haven't left Earlsfield yet...